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Bellwethers
Always a good Cabela’s Friday run when they have .380 ammo on the shelf. Rare as hens’ teeth. Plenty of 9mm to be found around my neck o’ the woods. Occasional deluges of .22, although A. We never shoot the .22 anymore and B. We already have two bricks of ammo that we’re not using.
But hardly any .380. And when I find it, it tends to ironically be the only caliber in the case at Wal-Mart. As if the ammo aisle of Cabela’s and Wal-mart complete a Yin-Yang snap-together gestalt.
In 2008, .380 was the last caliber of ammo to show back up on the shelves after that shortage. There were three boxes of .380 left at Cabela’s and now they are mine, mine, mine! Combine them with a find at Bass Pro earlier in the week and I have replaced that which I gifted The World’s Greatest Mother–in-Law. I am shitting in tall cotton. Woot!
It reminds me of a poem that my grandfather used to recite at Thanksgiving Dinner.
“If you have extra ammo that is hard to find
Give it to someone you love.
If one day, that ammo comes back to you,
Duck, dumbass! She’s really pissed!”
This is anniversary weekend for me and My Beautiful Wife. I have dinner reservations and about 27 hours to think up a gift I can afford.
She used to tell me what she wanted for a gift. Now it’s a test, which pisses me off to no end.
Well… That’s not true. There is an end to my pissed-offedness. Saturday at midnight. If I can get there without sparking a connubial conflict, I’m golden. Suggestions welcome, Ladies. $20 or less. Heck, it’s Number Eleven and I’m Scottish. Let’s not get carried away, now.
GAH! I’ve got a buttload of chores to knock out this weekend before we go out to dinner. The house is a disaster area. My yard is neglected. First World problems, I know.
Here’s a little-known bit of etymology: Wether is the gaelic word for a sheep. The bellwether is the lead sheep. You put a bell on the lead sheep. That way when you hear the bellwether, you know the rest of the flock is headed back to the pen. Or into the back of Wile E. Coyote’s Canyon Blaster rocketship. Whatevs.
This post is running a bit short, so here’s a gratuitous picture of Gemma Arterton and Jennifer Lawrence. Could they be sisters? Or is it just me? Discuss.
Sigh. Either one, I’d tap that like a telegraph key. Er… If I wasn’t married, I mean. At any rate, the “Doesn’t Gemma Arterton look like Jennifer Lawrence” obsession officially replaces my “I keep getting Emma Stone mixed up with Anna Faris” obsession.
Have a great weekend.
Speaking of livestock and my personal action plan for Gemma and Jennifer… I leave you with this, a representative illustration of my relationship with My Beautiful Wife. May I be fortunate enough to live and wake next to her for another eleven years.
1 comment
Angela
Sorry, a little late seeing this to try to help you out. All women are different so different presents would get different ones excited while the others think they’re stupid. But as long as it is thoughtful and truly comes from the heart and you can show her how well you know her (which you obviously should after all those years) then it will be a well-received gift. No flowers unless it’s a single red rose and then that can’t be the only gift. Something you make, yourself, is always thoughtful as long as it’s not a coupon book of “this is good for one free massage” sayings because that’s too cheesey. It’s too late to take a favorite picture of hers and put it in a really pretty frame. You could make her some sugar scrub as long as you give her the rose with it and then offer to help her apply it all over her body. In case you forgot how to make it, you need an empty jar with a lid (pickle jar, beet jar, jam jar, whatever you have) then fill it 3/4 full of granulated sugar then fill with Dawn dish detergent til right below the rim. (Suggest the pink kind cuz it’s pretty and has an extra softening agent in it.) Then you stir it all together (I use a knife for easier stirring) until it’s a thick pastey consistency. Add more sugar or more Dawn as needed. Then to apply, rub it on your hands (or other body part ;)) and let sit for five minutes then rinse off and the skin it was applied to will be SO silky soft!! You should also consider going to The Melting Pot. I’ve never been, but I hear it’s the most romantic restaurant in St. Louis. Or if you’re feeling more social, Kobe Steak House is always awesome! Each are a lot more than $20, though. Now you’ll have to let everyone know what you ended up doing. Inquiring minds will want to know. Good luck!! :]